While unrequited love is a common theme in movies, unacknowledged love is more common in real life. Even after witnessing countless demonstrations of the other person’s love for us, we may still miss seeing their actions as evidence of their love for us if they’re expressing it in ways that are different from how our own mind is conditioned to receive love. It might make us feel not-loved-enough, even when it may not be the case.
Understanding each other’s languages of love is a great first step in becoming aware of each other’s styles. With time, it might also help us adapt to each other’s styles and improve our compatibility. There are probably hundreds of different ways in which people express and receive love. However, for convenience, the most popular framework groups them into 5 categories:
- Quality time: being fully present with each other while engaging in a mutually enjoyable activity.
- Touch: showing affection via physical acts of touch – hugs, kisses, sex, etc
- Words: verbal display of affection – saying “I love you”, “I miss you” or baby-talk or sharing what the other person means to you, etc
- Acts of service: doing something to help the other person in big or small ways without being asked to do so.
- Gifts: more thoughtful and personalized, the better.
Most people have one or two of the above languages as their dominant style, followed by the others. When the dominant love-languages of two individuals match, their relationship might reach peak intensity very rapidly because neither of them will hesitate to escalate the amount of love and affection they shower on the other, since they aren’t uncertain about how the other person feels towards them. However, when there is a mismatch, it might take longer for the intensity of their relationship to reach its full potential – increasing the chances that they might give up before reaching their peak.
Psst: Here’s a quiz you can take to discover your love languages – https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
Takeaway: Similarities in each other’s dominant love-languages might accelerate how quickly a relationship grows to its peak intensity.