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Granularity of speech is related to the level of detail at which you talk (which usually extends to your thoughts and mental conversations too). Have you ever gotten bored in a class because the teacher is explaining something in too much detail for you to stay interested? Maybe you watch youtube videos at 1.5x or 2x because their speed of talking doesn’t match your speed of thinking. In both these cases, what you are experiencing is the fatigue of consuming content at a level of granularity that is significantly different from your own. The same holds for human interactions too. Lemme give you an example:

[person 1 – low granularity]

“I took a cab to come here & it got stuck in a traffic jam for 30 minutes. That’s why I’m late to this date.”


[person 2 – high granularity]

“You know what happened? I booked a cab at 7:40pm. But that guy cancelled and I had to book another guy. By the time he showed up, it was already 8pm. Then there was traffic as soon as we got out of the building… (2 minutes later) …so we got stuck at a red light for the third time and I was like – Damn! I’m gonna be so late for this date… (2 minutes later) …That’s why I’m late to this date!”

Neither of these styles are good or bad by themselves. But if person 1 and person 2 start dating, it’s only a matter of time before they start avoiding spending too much time with each other. Even when they do, they might find some other way to rebel against this mental effort – like agreeing with everything the other person says or talking too much to compensate for the lack of detail from the other person.

Once communication becomes effortful, it is very hard to sustain the relationship in the healthy zone. In other words, the chemistry fades.

Takeaway: Compatibility survives easier among people who have similar levels of granularity in speech and thought.

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